my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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