I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
