Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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