dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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