Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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