I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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