Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They took my balls.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
