I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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