my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
