john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
