i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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