I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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