I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
