the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
