mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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