yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
