His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
