I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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