I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
