its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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