thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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