Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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