We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
