He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize