I think I am morally bankrupt
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
