Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
