They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize