I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
