i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
