my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
