why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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