some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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