just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
