sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize