I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
