you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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