I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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