i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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