Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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