Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
