Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
