i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
