toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
