he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
