Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize