Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
