Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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