dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
