I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize