After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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