I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
