I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
