just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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