Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
