You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
