OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize