Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
