But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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