The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
two words: eviction party
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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