Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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