mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
