even my farts smell like vagina
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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