i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
