There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
