dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
