I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
