An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i will never coherently bang her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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