My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
