it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i think im in europe. pls send help
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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