Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
