I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
