My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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