Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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