It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
