We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
