Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize