We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
