YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
