I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
