And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
