Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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