Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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