definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
