Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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