I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
