Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize