I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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