i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
