we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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