Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize