GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
