He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
