When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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