This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize