Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
