I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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