Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
