You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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