I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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