Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
