47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
