did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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