it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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