How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
