I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize