Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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