It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
