It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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