she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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